What Really Happened
by PinkPantsPrada
Summary: What really happened at the end of LOTR.... Okay, I made this fanfictionroleplay about two years ago... Cut me some slack, 'kay? A lot of character bashing... It's not really funny... It was really funny when we were roleplaying, though... I have a lot of


The Story- This is my version of Lord Of The Rings 3.

The Disclaimer- I own nothing other than the silliness (Or dumbness) of this fanfic.

Authors note- This was once a role play made by me and my friends. (Squirreli, and Mika) I was Pippin, Merry was Mika, and Squirreli was Samwise. And I saved it on Word Perfect because it was so funny. We were very hyper at the time by the way. One time we made a Hobo RP. -snickers- Anyway. You MAY flame me. After all, it is your choice. And I am warning you.... If you like Legolas, Gandalf, or Aragorn I wish you to leave.

**Chapter 1- **What really happened...

The fierce lava crackled down below. Over this, was a strangely-figured hill, figured to look like a bridge…Or… To let men walk over here and destroy something evil that was not meant to be used. Something evil enough that it looked like it had a brain of its own.

Voices… Voices hung on the air… Strange voices… Voices of four clumsy hobbits and a greedy Gollum…

They stood stiff, seemingly arguing and ganging up on this… Frodo…  
"—The ring…" One of these short, yet brave hobbit added. "It's the ring—" Another added in. But Frodo cut in. Only this Frodo stood with fear in his eyes.. Fear that his precious ring was going to be taken away. "No!" He cried. "My precious… It can not be destroyed!"

But Samwise Gamgee wasn't finished with his 'Master'. He wanted a few words with the young hobbit. "You annoy me, Master Frodo.." Samwise Gamgee informed his 'master'. "First, you walked all over me every day. Then, you listen to this horrible Gollum and throw me out." Glaring at Frodo with hard eyes, he became aware that he had been running towards his master.

A scream. Samwise blinked. The Ring was in his good hands already, but… Frodo… Was down the lava already, burning into crisp, predictably. Sam stared at his hands, clasping them, he told himself, 'Yes! I did it!'

Meanwhile, Merry Brandybuck, and Pippin Tooke were crawling up the mountain. Merry was absolutely stoked, of course. "I can't wait until we kill him!" Merry said, as they crawled happily. "I know! Legolas will die!!!" Pippin exclaimed, doing his evil laugh as they finally heard the scream of Frodo. Merry made a faint smirk at Pippin, and then Pippin exchanged him a broad grin. "Let's get going." Pippin suggested, crawling more faster up the mountain.

As they made it up, Merry stared at Sam, whom had just pushed Frodo into the lava and was watching Frodo disappear into the steaming 'oven'. "What the heck just happened?" He finally asked after a long silence.

"Wait..." Merry stopped to think a minute... Then realized where Mr. Frodo had gone and what happened to him. "Go Sam!" He cheered, jumping up and down happily.

After the body disappeared, Pippin kept cheering. "YAY! Let's begin ruling the world! Muahahhahaha!" He cackled brightly. "So, who wants to kill this little Gollum?"

This was Merry's chance. He was DEFINITELY in the mood for killing anything at the moment; so he wouldn't even miss a second of the offer. Even killing a small spider would satisfy him at the moment "Ooooooh! me! Let me!" He exclaimed, casually walking over to Gollum who was 'Hidden' beyond the mountain. Merry casually stabbed him with his sword. As you all predicted, his last words were "My Precious." Except in a less 'cute' way. Besides, many girls think he is cute, but I actually find him hideous.

Pippin smiled at his friends. "WE HAVE THE RING! C'mon! Let's go kill Legolas!" He said anxiously, running down the hill to Aragorn and the rest, amazingly keeping his balance. He, as Merry was, was in the mood for killing. "Yay! Kill Legolas!" Exclaimed Sam, grinning as he followed Pippin and Merry eventually did the same.  
Meanwhile, Legolas Greenleaf Prince of Mirkwood, (A.K.A PrinCESS of Mirkwood) was on his way up to the volcano of Mordor. The ring hadn't been destroyed yet. And he wanted to make sure Mr. Frodo got the job done well. He jumped on every rock, trying to evade the gaze from the eye. Sarumon.

Suddenly (And somehow) Merry jumped up from behind Legolas and bit his ankle deeply and doesn't let go at all. "AHHHH!!!" He yelped, wondering what had bit him. "What in the world---?" Then he saw Merry.. Biting on his ankle sucking his blood! His grip loosened. "Merry! Get off!"

Pippin took out his sword and pointed it at Legolas. "YOU SUCK LEGOLAS! I HATE YOU! YOU'RE A HOMO! I SAW YOU HITTING ON ARAGORN!"

Legolas' attention turned to the other hobbit pointing his sharp blade at him. "WHAT?? YOU DIDN'T TELL ARWEN. DID YOU? SHE'LL KILL US! NOOOO! AND I KNOW I'M A HOMO." He grinned.

Merry wouldn't let go, but tightened his grip even tighter and sucked more blood deeply. Small drips of blood slowly dropped down his chin onto the brown dirt, turning it into a maroonish color.

"I'm proud I'm a bi" Legolas managed to say, shaking his leg frantically trying to get the small hobbit off but he wouldn't let go. And then, Merry had an idea!

Then he let go for a second, stood up, Jumped, and bit into his head deeply. Sucking all of the blood that ran down his head.

"AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He cried, literally crying.. Dude, what else would 'cry' mean!??  
He shook his head frantically, trying to free his pathetic of a head. Merry grinned and still sucked his blood happily; but didn't let go.

"LEGOLAS! YOU ARE SUCH A PRETTY BOY! I'LL KILL YOU!" Pippin exclaimed, throwing his sword to side and biting off Legolas's leg and then Samwise jumped in on the fun and bit off Legolas's arm chewing the pale skin happily.

"I AM PRETTY!" Were his last words 'devoted' words.

Samwise picked up Legolas's Golden locks. "Hey! THIS COULD BE USED AS A WIG FOR CANCER PATIENTS!!!" He said delightly. Pippin ripped it out of Samwise's hands and put it up to his curly hair. "Ar e you joking?! This is going to be my head dress!" He said, as they all laughed and threw it onto the ground then stomped on it.

As soon as Legolas was dead, Merry sat down and took off his shoes, and, sniffed them. Proves how smart he is eh? "Hey you guys, smell my shoes, they still smell new!" He exclaimed, giving one of them to Sam, and the other to Pippin for them to sniff.

Pippin cocked an eyebrow at the shoes, and sniffed them. Then examined them and realized that they had NORMAL FEET! AND NOT HAIRY, GREASY, FAT, LARDS! "Oh my gosh! They do!" He said, looking down at Merry's feet. "OH MY GOSH! WE HAVE NORMAL FEET NOW!" He exclaimed, throwing the rest Legolas's head into the lava.

"I was going to eat that!" Merry grumbled bitterly, as he greedly stole his shoes back from Pippin and Sam.

Pippin shrugged. "Oh well. C'mon! Let's go and kill all The Orcs! And then, we can kill Aragorn too! I told Arwen our plan!" Explained Pippin, running toward them all.

"Okay, I'm coming!" Merry yelled, while grabbing one of Legolas' legs and biting into it happily.

Pippin ran down the hill, his sword extended and began to kill Orcs. He was also using Legolas's bow and arrows.

Blood was scattered thru all the rocks that were present near Legolas's happy death.

Light flashed from a staff. Brilliant, white, light, almost enough to blind men. From the corner came an elderly man, his beard and long, flowing hair snow-white.

He was not anywhere near Merry, Pippin, and Sam, but instead, was near the Orcs who had felt the ring given to a new set of 6 hands.

Gandalf was on his horse, as old as he, himself. When he saw Merry, Pippin, and Sam running to the battlefield, he wondered why Legolas or Aragon wasn't with them.

But, he /did/ feel the ring coming closer. And closer. And closer. "Perhaps.. They have the ring with them. Where is Frodo? The Gollum? Why wasn't the ring destroyed?"

Merry saw the orcs, he was scared, then he had a brilliant idea! "Good thing I learned how to do this this morning!" He said, cracking his knuckles and then put both his hands together on the right side.  
"Ka...  
Me...  
Ha...  
Me...  
HA!!!!!!!!!!"

"I DIDN'T DO ANY---" They chorused.. But the minute they had started, they were wiped out by the strong and powerful, Kamehameha

Merry rubbed his hands together, "Good thing I learned to that this morning!" He Repeated, and then pranced on all of the dead Orcs.

One Orc, however, was not dead. He seemed to be the leader of this lot. He was not in range for the Kamehameha blast to hit.  
"Haha! You missed!" The ugly deformed elf chanted, pointing at Merry and laughing at the same time thinking he was cool or something.

"Oi! I think I didn't!" He said, pulling out his sword and impaled him before the Ord knew what hit him.

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" He screamed instead of his annoying hyena laugh, he then fell onto the ground and Merry beat him with a stick until blood poured out his ear to be sure he was dead. Merry was happy to see the deformed elf was dead, so he did a little dance on him.

Pippin pranced up and down excitedly. His bottom, yellow, front teeth over his bottom lip. "THEY'RE COMING! THEY'RE COMING!" He exclaimed, watching 1000000000000 planes come and drop nuclear bombs on the Orcs.

Merry's eyes suddenly went wide, "WAIT! PIPPIN! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" He screamed, Merry started to run frantically to the edge of the Orcs so he didn't be blown like the rest of the Orcs were about to be.

Sam called upon evil birds to peck out the eyes of these Orcs and then eat the remains of the dead flesh. He wanted to do the Kamehameha blast, but nooo Merry had took it.

Gandalf was not aware of any of this happening. He was daydreaming about pretty Legolas.

Aragorn cocked an eyebrow at Merry, Pippin and Sam, who seemed to be enjoying themselves. "What are you three doing?!" He asked, noticing there was only very few Orcs alive. "Oh no... What did you do?" He asked, knowing they wouldn't be able to wipe out all of those Orcs unless they had screwed something up.

Sam turned to say, "YOU'VE BEEN HITTING ON LEGOLAS! IM GONNA TELL!" He said, running around to tell everyone. Even the Orcs.

Aragorn's mouth dropped. "HOW DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THAT?!?! NO! Please! Don't tell Arwen!" Begged Aragorn, as he chased Samwise, trying to tackle the young hobbit.

Pippin smirked. "Too late Aragorn! I already told her!" He said, smiling proudly. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Exclaimed Aragorn, falling to his knees.

Merry skipped happily up to Aragorn, "I did this!" He said, putting his hands into the same stance again and pointing them at the rest of the Orcs. "Ka me ha me HAAAAAAA!!!" Aragorn watched in astonishment as the Orcs blew up one by one like a game of Dominoes.

Aragorn looked around and saw everybody looking at him. "Aragorn... You're bi?" Gimli asked in astonishment. "So what if I am?!" Asked Aragorn, getting up from the ground, crossing his arms vividly. Then he suddenly thought about his OTHER beloved "What happened to Frodo and the Ring?"

"Um... Frodo is taking a nap in that Lava pit!"Merry said cheerfully, and pointed at the volcano.

Aragorn's face went blank. "W-what?" He asked in disbelief. His tanish face beginning to turn a grave green "I LOVED HIM TOO!" He exclaimed, and then began balling. "WHY?!" He asked, still balling his eyes out. "A-and where's Legolas?" He managed to choke out.

"You want some of his leg?" Merry asked, pulling out the part of Legolas' leg that he hadn't ate yet.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Exclaimed Aragorn, as he cried even more.

Gandalf daydreamed even more, closing his eye lids thinking more deeply of the Prince of Mirkwood and the date they had spent together a few nights ago.

"PERFECT CHANCE!" Sam shouted, looking at Gandalf. Gandalf looked around, and before he knew what hit him, his horse's eyes became a gleaming red and became possessed by the new set of Hands controlling the Ring. Then, he stomped on Gandalf until he was as flat as a pancake.


End file.
